I am a child from galaxies, far, far, too far away. We have lived among Humans since the beginning of Humanity. Our parents drop us off when they have adult things to do out in the universe. Earth is our playground, our daycare. We can do what ever we want, except we cannot harm Humans; or any species for that matter. To entertain ourselves we assist Humans in the design of time-wasting inventions.
My brother, Edward Thomas, invented reality TV. He thought Humans would enjoy watching bored, rich housewives and entitled celebrities. Mama got so mad! She said reality TV would turn Human thought patterns into mush. Edward Thomas got into so much trouble! He is in timeout for a millennium. ET did not need to call home, Mama came and got him.
My best friend, Baccaleia, invented texting and autocorrect. Regrettably there is a glitch. Every time a Human texts I will see you later, it types out: We will have sex later. I am not sure what it means, but the Humans sure are embarrassed. You may have heard of Baccaleia’s parents. Her mama is Princess Leia and her daddy in Chewbacca. They hooked up after Hans Solo kicked Leia to the curb. Someone said she refused to change her hairstyle.
We whispered to the engineers who designed the packaging for toys and suggested it should be more challenging for the Human kids to get to their toys. The packagers took it to extremes. Have you tried to open a princess doll or a Monster High doll? Their little legs and arms are wired and knotted to the cardboard, their necks strangled into the container. Are they afraid the dolls will run away? Talk about 52 shades of Barbie!
There are just too many inventions to write about today. But the next time you play with your adult pacifier, the cell phone, think of us children from other galaxies.